INTRODUCTION :
``My best friend is here with me. She 's 13 ...
the same age as me. She's hysterical and needs help. I don't know what
to do. She says she 's pregnant and if her parents find out about it they'll
disown her. She wanted to tell me about it before swallowing a whole bottle
of aspirins. What should I do ? "
This is only one of the many telephone calls
I got while working at CONTACT's Crisis Intervention Center in Mystic,
Connecticut a few years ago. Thanks to the grace of God, she had called
the right people. Her friend is still alive today ... and so is the baby.
THE PROBLEM:
How about you ?
I'm assuming you also know of a friend who's pregnant ... or probably
you are yourself ... and you're asking yourself:
"Why me ?"
"What am I going to do ?"
"What will my parents, relatives and friends say ?"
Listen. You are not the Lone Ranger. Many young ladies find themselves
unexpectedly pregnant today and are faced with such major decisions. If
you happen to be one of them, you owe it to yourself to pause for a few
moments ... and to explore all of the options that are available to you
and for the tiny growing person inside you.
If you recall ... that 13-year old girl I told you about earlier ...
needed advice. She went to her closest friend to get it. Had others known,
she might have been told that she had no right to take her own life and
much less the baby's, but that, because she did have a right to control
her own body, abortion was the best answer.
Would that have been a good solution ? Not likely. You see, a lot of
pregnancies aren't detected before the pregnancy is sixth weeks along.
By then, the little unborn baby's heart inside her has already been beating
for 3 weeks! Not only that, but the unborn baby's brain waves can be read
by doctors. Furthermore, the unborn baby's nervous system has been complete
for about two weeks and it is about to begin moving, although you may not
feel it for 3 1/2 months more. Needless to say, it isn't merely a matter
of taking control of your body, but of both yours and the unborn baby inside
you. Abortion will only deny him or her inside you the gift of life; and
often result in serious, far-reaching consequences for you.
In other words, this can end up in a devastating emotional burden to
you. To learn more about the effect of abortion, click here Physical complications
and learn about the ill-effects of abortion and how abortion could have
more far reaching consequences for you than you may think.
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WHAT CAN I DO
?
By now, you may be asking yourself :
"Well what should I do ?"
"What is there to do where I can respect both my own body and the
baby's ?"
(1) First, if you are a minor, inform your parents !
(Statistics show, Moms and Dads, after the initial shock will understand
and will be there for you.)
(2) Do not overlook the option of consulting with your priest, minister
or Rabbi !
(Those people are professionals in matters like the one you are facing
... and there are under oaht not to disclose anything you tell them to
anyone whomsoever.)
(3) Then focus on choices that are positive and life giving ... such as
:
keeping your child yourself
keeping your child within your immediate family
placing your child in foster care for a period of time
placing your child for adoption
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A TIME TO
REFLECT :
In above option #1, you must ask yourself "Am I ready to be a parent?"
One of the major concerns you should have as a parent is how you will
provide the best environment for the child's physical and emotional upbringing.
In other words :
am I willing to give the next 18 or more years of my life to love and
be responsible for my child, and to place concern for his or her well being
above my own ?
could I raise a child and still meet my own school, career and social
needs ?
could I do this without having to depend on my family to take over
for me?
If your answer to any of the above three questions is "no",
it would be wise for you to seriously consider placing your child within
your immediate family (option #2) and let them bring up the child until
you can take over. This is something any decent, human being understands
... that sometimes a birth parent isn't ready to raise a child; and members
of the immediate family, or even foster care (option #3) and adoption parents
(option #4) may be better equipped to provide the permanence and security
that the little baby needs.
If your answer to any of the above three questions is "no"
and nobody within your immediate family is able to answer "yes"
to the above three questions under "A Time To Reflect", then
you should seriously consider placing your child in foster care or for
adoption as the best and most loving life-giving choice for you and your
child. It may be difficult to imagine releasing a new born to foster care
for a period of time until you can take over, and even more difficult to
place him or her for adoption. Especially after you've loved it enough
to bring to term and have nurtured it for nine months. In order to do this,
you'll have to try and get a better grasp of what adoption is like.
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WHAT IS ADOPTION
?
Adoption is a legal procedure which places a child with adoptive parents
who raise the child as a member of their own family.
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IS ADOPTION
PERMANENT ?
Yes, by all means. The little baby becomes a permanent member of the
loving husband and wife's family who adopt it. In some states it may become
effective only after a short period of time, but in most states it becomes
effective immediately.
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WHAT TAKES PLACE
WHEN YOUR BABY IS ADOPTED ?
There are two phases to an adoption. First, the blood mother has to
give her written consent for the little baby to be adopted by another family.
(In most cases, if the blood father is known, he also has to give a written
consent). Second, the husband and wife wanting to adopt your little baby
must apply and be accepted as prospective loving parents by a government
approved agent. The agent must do a thorough investigation of that couple
to ensure that they will be able to provide proper care and love for the
child they wish to adopt.
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WOULD IT BE
SELFISH OF ME TO CONSIDER ADOPTION ?
Definitely not. What it actually means is that you are a concerned person
about being a good mother ... and that you are sensible enough to realize
that raising a child can be difficult, even with the help of family and
friends. It's not selfish to choose what is best for you and your baby.
You have already given your child the ultimate gift of life ! And that's
what's important.
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LET'S WRAP IT
ALL UP.
By now, you may still be undecided and asking yourself many other questions;
like,
don't children belong with their birth parents ?
isn't it better if I marry my boyfriend and we raise the baby ?
what if my parents and friends pressure me to keep my baby ?
when do I have to decide about adoption ?
what will others think of me for choosing abortion ?
how do birth parents feel after adoption ?
will my baby be well taken care of ?
will I know anything about my baby's new parents ?
is adoption the easy way out ?
And we could go on and on.... Well ... we can't promise you to have
all the answers, but we can refer your to professionals who can help you.
I may be reached at: jjolin@freedomtolearn.org.
Other FTL Borad members are also available and
listed under Contact Us.
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